Golf?

Posted 10:19 pm

A friend of mine, often of like mind yet sharper tongue, recently related to me a new and most expressive rant. Enjoy.

“I’ve had an epiphany…

Y’know how you go through life, looking at a particular situation, realizing from the outset that it’s one of the dumb things about life that you’ll never really understand? You don’t question it… because you’ve accepted the notion (incorrect as it might be) that it’ll never make sense to you.

I finally figured out one of those things, by accident (as so often happens in life), and in the process revealed something that makes even less sense.

The game of golf. Never got it. Still don’t. And I don’t mean the rules or anything like that. Just… the appeal, I suppose. Kinda like tying off your pants, popping a ferret in there, and seeing how long you can tolerate the experience. Yes, people do that for fun, too, maybe… might be a fictional sport. Still researching. But I digress.

No need to expound overmuch on my concept about golf as a competitive “sport”. Hit the ball. Chase the ball. Repeat until ball falls in little hole or you break your stick in frustration. Repeat entire process until you’ve hit your ball fewer times than your fellow “competitors”… and presumably have more of your sticks left.

That about cover it? Thought so.

Then today, lightning strikes my brain. I glance up at a golf match on TV that I was previously ignoring, and in the background I see… bleachers… with people on them. People sitting on bleachers watching a game of golf. Bleachers?!? I can hear it now: “Let’s go to the golf game, Argus! I got front row seats at the twelfth hole!”

And then… it really hits me. The thing that has always bugged me about golf. The thing that became unbearably obvious when I saw those bleachers: golf is a spectator “sport”. People go to golf games… and watch. Just in case you missed what they’re watching, feel free to back up a couple of paragraphs.

Now the floodgates are open: what do golf spectators do? Hang out at their favorite tee or hole and wait for the one perfect shot they’ve always wanted to see? Seems like that’s what the ones in the bleachers do. And what about the rest? Walk from tee to hole to tee, a seething mass of sheep following the lead of their favorite stick-waver? Y’know… the one with the golf cart?

Right…

Any day now, I expect to figure out curling.

And the ferret thing…

Then again, maybe golf is a fictional sport too…

John T”

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One Response to “Golf?”

  1. Dave Urban

    Thanks for an amusing new perspective on an interesting “sport”. I rank watching golf on par with watching billiards and darts. Fun if you play, somewhat boring as a spectator sport if you don’t.

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